Dearly Loved by My King

For the first time in my life, I am fully embracing the love and grace of God. The very thought of being an object of God's affection brings me to my knees in worship. It is true; he really loves me despite my sinfulness. Recently, God has been showing my lack of dependence on his grace and my desire to justify my sin through works. When I work for God's favor and love, I only nullify the grace of God. Jesus Christ died for my sins so that I may be free to sin and alive to him. When I act as if I am good enough or my so called righteous deeds earn favor with God, I am depending on my own strength rather than on his holy spirit. I am coming to grips with how sinful I truly am and how much more I need to depend on my Savior. He longs for me to be intimate with him and embrace his love, and my heart yearns for it as well.

I am reminded that I was made with a void that only he can fill, and my heart and body thirsts for him as the deer pants for water:

Psalm 42

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

My heart and soul thirsts for the living God because he created me to be intimate and relational with him. Dependence on Jesus is what he requires and what we so desperately need to survive in a fallen world. I need him more and more each day because without him I am nothing and can do nothing. Remaining in him is mandatory in order to bear fruit and live righteously(John 15).

Since I have been at Philadelphia Biblical University, my heart has been aching and craving to be with Jesus. While at home in New York, I prayed and read my word out of duty and obligation rather than to simply sit in the presence of God. As a result, my time with the Lord lacked intimacy and I could feel my heart slowly drifting away from him. Intimacy, intimacy is so key! I was hit with the reality that a close, personal relationship with God is necessary in order to grow spiritually and to know him on a deeper level. Instead of reading and studying to acquire biblical knowledge, I find myself begging the holy spirit to help my heart believe, grasp, and apply his word. When I wake up in the morning, my Savior is on my mind and throughout the day I am calling out to him. I am slowly but surely becoming more intimate with my King and it feels so good. No longer can I use head knowledge and works to get close to my king;instead, I must rely and depend on him to reveal and show me who he is and what he requires of me. As an object of his affection, he wants all of me and I am going to give him just that. Oh how he loves me!!!!!!!!!!!!