Freedom in Christ

Galatians 5:1
Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore stand firm and don't submit again to a yoke of slavery.

John 8:36
Therefore if the Son sets you free, you really will be free.

Psalm 121:1-2
I raise my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

FREEDOM!
What does it mean to be free?

The Lord has been so gracious and loving towards me through the trials he has given me in this season of my life. I see how loving he truly is because of his desire to free me to love him without restraints and to love my neighbor as myself. I have been controlling how close I let people get to me and it has made me miserable. I realize how I fail to love others in order to protect myself from hurt and pain. I show people a side of myself that I want them to see, yet parts of myself I keep hidden. The root of it is: I yearn to be loved, accepted, and approved of no matter how sinful I really am. The funny thing about that is: My Lord loves me just as I am; however, my heart is fighting to embrace what my mind already knows. Everyday I wake up, I literally have to ask the Lord to help me make it through another day. The pain, frustration, and emotional turmoil I carry inside of me is simply to much to bear, and I need him to carry it for me. Continue to lift me up Saints as I run to the throne of grace. My heart is crying and yearning to be free.

Dearly Loved by My King

For the first time in my life, I am fully embracing the love and grace of God. The very thought of being an object of God's affection brings me to my knees in worship. It is true; he really loves me despite my sinfulness. Recently, God has been showing my lack of dependence on his grace and my desire to justify my sin through works. When I work for God's favor and love, I only nullify the grace of God. Jesus Christ died for my sins so that I may be free to sin and alive to him. When I act as if I am good enough or my so called righteous deeds earn favor with God, I am depending on my own strength rather than on his holy spirit. I am coming to grips with how sinful I truly am and how much more I need to depend on my Savior. He longs for me to be intimate with him and embrace his love, and my heart yearns for it as well.

I am reminded that I was made with a void that only he can fill, and my heart and body thirsts for him as the deer pants for water:

Psalm 42

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

My heart and soul thirsts for the living God because he created me to be intimate and relational with him. Dependence on Jesus is what he requires and what we so desperately need to survive in a fallen world. I need him more and more each day because without him I am nothing and can do nothing. Remaining in him is mandatory in order to bear fruit and live righteously(John 15).

Since I have been at Philadelphia Biblical University, my heart has been aching and craving to be with Jesus. While at home in New York, I prayed and read my word out of duty and obligation rather than to simply sit in the presence of God. As a result, my time with the Lord lacked intimacy and I could feel my heart slowly drifting away from him. Intimacy, intimacy is so key! I was hit with the reality that a close, personal relationship with God is necessary in order to grow spiritually and to know him on a deeper level. Instead of reading and studying to acquire biblical knowledge, I find myself begging the holy spirit to help my heart believe, grasp, and apply his word. When I wake up in the morning, my Savior is on my mind and throughout the day I am calling out to him. I am slowly but surely becoming more intimate with my King and it feels so good. No longer can I use head knowledge and works to get close to my king;instead, I must rely and depend on him to reveal and show me who he is and what he requires of me. As an object of his affection, he wants all of me and I am going to give him just that. Oh how he loves me!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is at work!!!!!

Man, desperation is the word that describes my condition right now! I am so thirsty for the Lord it is overwhelming and scary. The Lord has been showing how prideful, self-sufficient, and incapable I am of loving him as well as others. My current state proves that I am more dependent on myself than on my heavenly Father. I am in desperate need of a Savior; My body longs to be rescued from self-sufficiency and pride, and the Lord is doing exactly that. I have to asks others for help which I hate and I am forced to be relational in an apartment with three other girls. The sinful thing to do would be to isolate myself but I am called as a believer to be Christ-centered and others' centered. My yearning to be comforted by the Lord is like that of David in Psalm 63 when he was running from his enemies:

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

I am at a place in my life where God is showing me the necessity of total dependence on him. I can no longer depend on my own strength or works because it is only by God's grace that I am saved. If my salvation depended on my works, I would burn up in flames right now as I am typing. My heart is so sickened by sin that I need the love, grace, and forgiveness of a Savior. My life depends on it, and I desperately long for his touch. I praise my heavenly Father for where he has placed me; it is only by his grace that I am currently a student at Philadelphia Biblical University. The Lord is really funny because he has me in a place where my my spiritual growth is more important to my professors than my academic success. Philadelphia Biblical University is a school founded on biblical principles, and their aim is to glorify God in all aspects of life. I am going to meet with a biblical counselor every Monday at 2 p.m. to share my heart and to get the biblical counseling I need. Yes, God is preparing me to be a christian counselor; however, he is tearing me apart and putting me back together so that he is ultimately glorified and not Chaquana.

My earnest prayer as a believer is to be totally dependent on God and to trust him with all of my heart. The Lord showed me very clearly that I don't trust him. I am like a double-minded man unstable in all of my ways because I tend to doubt the Lord when I know he is leading me to a specific area or task (James 1:6). I can't live like this any longer; I want to be a woman that trust the Lord with every ounce of her being, but I also know that faith is cultivated. I am fighting to trust the Lord and to love my God and my neighbor like he calls me to love. That is why I need to be totally dependent on Jesus. At this time in my life, I am devoting myself to more prayer and devotion. I want the Lord to perform surgery on his child; I am so sick of myself and I want Godly character more than I want a Master's degree. I am so excited and grateful that he is making me more like him. I thank God that I am dearly loved by him. Be in prayer saints as I yield to my King.

Transition Phase!

Ughhhhhhhh!!!! Life, life, life! So by God's grace, I am now a graduate student at Philadelphia Biblical University. God is so good to me because he has given me the desire of my heart which was his desire for my life. I am on a mission for the Lord to pursue a degree in Biblical Counseling to serve his people in a lost and dying world. Graduate Orientation is September 2nd and I am so excited!!!!! On the flip side people, I am struggling! I am currently staying with my father, and I am ready to go! My father is a Muslim, and I am constantly talked to in a harsh or demeaning way. I have some money saved up; however, it is not enough to pay rent consistently. I am trusting the Lord for a job, and I have been applying to jobs like crazy. I was told by a sister in Christ to take out some loans and don't work. She also says that God wants me to relax. That sounds really good, but I need some type of income. I am moving out of my father's house very soon because I am trusting the Lord to provide a place and a roommate. I am praying and trusting God that he will lead and direct me because I need some love and encouragement from the Saints. I praise God that I go to a Christian school because I am certain that I will find some believers to encourage me and labor alongside. I recently visited Enon Tabernacle Baptist Church and next Sunday I am going to Epiphany Fellowship. I am trusting the Lord to find a solid church I can serve in as well. I say all of this to say: Please pray for me Saints in regards to a job, where to live, and the encouragement and love I need from believers. Thank you so much!!

Lady in Waiting!!!!!!!!

Whooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! It is so hard to wait on the Lord but he is definitely helping me to hold tight to his word and promises. I recently had a group interview at Philadelphia Biblical University for the Christian counseling Master's Program. I was nervous going into it but the Lord strengthened me through his word and Holy Spirit. The day of the interview I read Psalm 62 along with John 15. Psalm 62 talks about finding rest in God and looking to him as your hope and your salvation. David tells his soul to rest in the heavenly Father and tells the people to trust in God at all times and pout out their hearts to him. I was so encouraged. I am called to be anxious about nothing but to present my request to God and he will give me the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 2:6-7). I have to rest in God and be confident that whatever he has for me is good and perfect. My dream amd desire is to be in Philly in graduate school preparing to serve the kingdom of God through counseling in an urban context, Why wouldn't God allow me to do that? Is that my own desire or is that a desire he has given me? Waiting for my acceptance or rejection letter is scary but I am confident that Philly and graduate school is where he wants me. Pray for me Saints because I am in the process of deciding exactly where to live,and I am in desperate need of a job. Until then, I will be waiting and resting in the Father.

Me and Brittany!!!!!!!!!

I met Brittany Freeman this summer working as an intern for Common Ground Montgomery, and she is absolutely amazing. She and I grew to know each other deeply and she is now one of my closest friends. The Lord brought us together by the power of his Holy Spirit, and her skin color is not like mine. Growing up as an unbeliever, I never imagined being close friends with a white girl. Now as a believer, I see people created in the image of God that happen to be different from me. I used to believe that I was inferior to white people because I was black, but in Christ we are all new creatures. There is neither Jew nor Greek nor male or female with Jesus. We are apart of one body made up of many members. I praise God for racial reconciliation!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Covenant Eyes by Trip Lee

Chorus: Look at dat, what you lookin at
Oooo she lookin good nah man I aint lookin back
Im watchin what I'm watchin, and yea this thang hard
But I'm watchin what I'm watchin we gotta be on guard
Look at dat, what you lookin at
Oooo she lookin good nah man I aint lookin back
Im watchin what I'm watchin, and yea this thang hard
But I'm watchin what I'm watchin we gotta be on guard

Last Verse: With every single glance man my sin tries to kill me
So I ain't givin in all my brothers gotta feel me
I'm free from my slavery you know that aint the real me
I belong to my God and I can't let no lust steal me
There's nothing I can gain the sister shouldn't move me
Cause my God is holy the epitome of beauty
Bought me with a price and I'm prayin He would rule me
My eyes belong to Him He's my King and Lord truly
As men who trust Jesus, we can't be cool wit all dat
So when my eyes start to trip, I tell em boys to fall back
So if you see me look away don't be surprised
Since I'm in love with my God, I got some covenant eyes

A covenant is a solemn promise to engage in or refrain from a specified action.
To make a covenant with your eyes is to not look upon a man or a woman lustfully or to watch something that will cause you to fall into sin. In other words, you make a promise to refrain from an action that will cause you to sin. For example, not looking back at an attractive woman or not watching kissing or sex scenes in a movie.

When I heard this song for the very first time, I was convicted and blown away. I understand for the first time in my christian walk (I have been a believer for 3 years) what it means to make a covenant with your eyes. As a woman, I am not as visual as a man, but my mind can go to places it should not go. I can have an affair with a dude in my mind without him ever knowing it (yes, woman fantasize). I have lusted after dudes in my heart and took an extra look when I should have turned my head. God's standard for purity is so high that we have to be on guard as Trip Lee says in his song.

Matthew 5:27-30
²⁷"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'^e]">[e] ²⁸But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
³It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; ⁴that each of you should learn to control his own body^a]">[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, ⁵not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;

1 Corinthians 6:18-20
¹⁸Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. ¹⁹Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

The media, magazines, and the culture promotes and encourages sexual immorality. Women wear clothes that cause men (christian and non-christian) to lust. Men have to walk with their heads down or close their eyes in order to stay pure. It is hard out here for both Christian men and women because the culture is anti-God. For those of us who are regenerated, we must fight to stay pure. For the ladies, we must turn our heads and not make up affairs in our hearts with different men. We must wait patiently on our heavenly Father to send a Godly man into our lives in his perfect timely. Some of us may never get married, and we have to be okay with that because Christ is ultimately all satisfying. Brothers, oh how I pray for you guys!!!!! Flesh is everywhere and women flaunt it so openly! Men, keep your eyes on our heavenly father and don't flirt with sin. My brothers and sisters, let's fight and make war against sin. Christian marriages are ending in divorce because of infidelity and women are wearing immodest clothes in the house of God. My prayer is that we would truly live in a way that is counter-cultural. People of God: Let's live as the bible calls us to live!!!!!! Yes, temptation is everywhere but the bible says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it". You do not have to give into temptation; however, if you do fall, we can approach the throne of grace with confidence knowing that our God is faithful and just to forgive us (Hebrews 4:14-16; 1 John 1:9).
LET'S MAKE A COVENANT WITH OUR EYES!!!!!!!!