This semester and year of my life has been so hard but so sweet. I am learning to stand on God's GRACE. I have been a believer for 3 and a half years and I lived my Christian walk trying to earn God's favor rather than trusting in the fact that I am declared holy and blameless in his eyesight because of the blood of Jesus Christ.
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.
Ephesians 1:4-5
It is hard for me to fathom that I am dearly loved and completely accepted by God because of his mighty love and overwhelming grace. The more I see my horrific and habitual sins the more I see my need for his grace. I am learning from my counseling classes that we as believers have two belief systems: God's truth about us and the lies from our past and the world. I know the bible says that I am worthy because of Christ's sacrifice, yet because of being abused and abandoned by loved ones growing up, I operate and believe that I am worthless and have nothing to offer. It's hurts that I easily believe lies rather than the truth of my Lord and Savior.
The Lord has me right where he wants me because I have never depended on him like I am now. He is showing me the idols that flood my heart and my failure to love him and my neighbor as myself. I have allowed fear of rejection, abandonment, hurt,and failure to consume me and I am exhausted. I am tired of allowing the devil and the lies of my past to still my joy and freedom in Christ. As Lecrae says in his song "Check In", I am ready for Rehab! I am ready for the Lord to break, prune, shape, and mold my entire mind frame and heart. He has already begun his work and when I see him in glory his work will be finished (Philippians 1:6). It is only by his grace that I am at this point in my life where I am down and only He can pick me up. I will boast ALL THE MORE in weaknesses, in difficulties, and in hardships so that Christ's power may rest on me (1 Corinthians 12:8-10). My current pain is only avenue for God to make me more like him. Joy always comes in the morning even when the weeping may last all night. His GRACE is truly sufficient!
